Warne Appointed As Rajasthan Royals’ Bus Driver

Posted: December 5, 2011 by The CouchExpert in Cricket, Fiction
Tags: , , , ,

Goutham Chakravarthi

Just two days after Rajasthan Royals appointed Rahul Dravid as the captain for the fifth season of the IPL, Shilpa Shetty roped in Warne for a whopping $250,000 as the Royals’ bus driver.

In a press conference, Ms. Shetty said, “Warne, who has been integral to our successes over the first four seasons of the IPL was keen to be associated with the Royals for season 5, but not as a player. Of course he has famously quoted that cricket coaches are only bus drivers, but, let me make it clear that he will be just a bus driver and not a coach. That said, he is given full authority to do so as he likes whence the players are in the bus though.”

Shilpa Shetty announced Warne’s appointment as Royals’ official bus driver

When contacted, Warne said, “The role of a bus driver is highly underrated, especially in India. If anything they are crucial to any team’s mental state before a game. With me having driven the team bus during my playing days (in a race with Buchanan in New Zealand), I bring in a lot of experience. I can cut through signals and drive on the wrong side of the road which is key for success on the road and on the cricket ground.”

Asked how his bus driving was going to be different from the rest and why one should pay him a quarter million dollars when there could be more skillful drivers around and available at a fraction of the price he is contracted for, Warne said, “Sports psychologists insist that players should visualize success and practice it as part of their training program for them to be ready to be able to do so when they are really out in the middle. It becomes my responsibility to prepare them mentally and get them to that mental state before they get on to the ground. That’ll be high on my agenda when I’m driving them from the hotel to the ground.”

Warne gave insights into his methods further by comparing bus driving to sports psychologists and how this methods were better. He explained, “Visualization is not for all. It takes imagination and not all are blessed with it. Visualizing strategy and success are key for player preparation and on field performance. Quick bowlers need to stick to length and line or throw in those changers. I will get the bowlers to sit on the front row of the bus and give them a demonstration of driving the bus at 60kmph but then screech to a halt all of a sudden. Some will fall, others will be startled. But, it demonstrates how batsmen will be unprepared for such events and how change of pace can do the trick! Similarly for spinners, I might spin the bus at right angles to show how it is done or drive the bus through a very narrow lane at an angle to demonstrate how to sneak one through bat and pad!”

Warne also demonstrated how he intends to help the batsmen. He said, “Batting in T20 cricket is all about adventure and risk taking. It’s overs versus a certain number of runs. I intend to demonstrate how you drive 20 kms in peak Mumbai traffic in 10 minutes. You have to take that calculated risk. You jump a signal here or charge on the wrong side of the road when there is a traffic pile up. You take risks, but you know where you can jump signals and where you drive on the wrong side of the road. Sometimes you can honk your way out of trouble on Indian roads. You drive fast and keep honking, and because of the size of your vehicle the others make way out of sheer fear. It translates to intimidation on the cricket pitch.”

Warne insisted that his position had great accountability. He said, “I take accountability for my actions. Next time a commentator says one of our batsmen is shifting through the gears swiftly you know who was responsible for it. Similarly, when they say a batsman cannot find that extra gear, you can rest assured that the batsman concerned will spend enough time with me on the bus learning to go through the gears well.”

Warne signed off by saying, “I have already helped Rahul Dravid find the fifth gear. He might slip into that mode on the Boxing Day at the MCG and smash a triple hundred on the morning session alone. And then you’ll know what I’m talking about!”

  1. swapna says:

    Wow!! That was simply superb! Didnt know that driving on Indian roads through the insane traffic could provide such a profound learning experience 🙂

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