Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson submit their recommendations to BCCI to overhaul Indian cricket

Posted: January 17, 2012 by The CouchExpert in Cricket, Fiction
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Goutham Chakravarthi

After another humiliating defeat at the WACA, with India facing its biggest crisis post the match-fixing saga at the turn of the century, N. Srinivasan, the president of BCCI was seen hurrying into 221B Baker Street in central London to consult Sherlock Holmes to save the cricket and interest in cricket in his home country of India.

Two hours later N. Srinivasan called the media for an announcement. “Unlike the Argus review that spanned across many meetings involving 61 cricket oriented personnel and claimed to be independent when it involved three ex-captains in Steve Waugh, Allan Border and Mark Taylor along with former CEO of Cricket Australia, Maclom Speed, this review into overhauling Indian cricket lasted all of half hour and involved two fictional characters, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John H. Watson. Surely, there cannot be a more independent or more competent panel to investigate the short comings on Indian cricket. And, neither was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in anyway connected to the IPL or the BCCI,” said N. Srinivasan as a matter-of-factly.

The Watson-Holmes report overhauls Indian cricket as we know

“A 2,311 page detailed report on the findings has been submitted. It is a fair and honest review investigating the issues with Indian cricket ranging from problems, issues and limitations spread across players, selectors and administrators. I am here to share a three-point summary of the Watson-Holmes report,” said N. Srinivasan pulling out copies of the summary sheet and sharing it with the gathering.

The report had these recommendations:

1.  M.C.C. to replace M.C.C. as the custodian of cricket laws:

M.C.C (Marylebone Cricket Club) have had their time writing the laws for cricket since 1788. It only shows ICC in poor light all these years. It is a well known fact that the size of the ball was reduced in the 1920s because the English bowlers had little hands and that the imposition of limiting the number of leg-side fielders behind square was to nullify Indian spinners in the 1970s. With us, BCCI, running the cricket world, we have decided that M.C.C (Madras Cricket Club) will take over these responsibilities and rewrite the laws of the game to suit the Indians. Some of them will include:

  1. Indian captain will be given the option of declaring the opposition innings should the opposition not lose a wicket every twenty minutes or if their total exceeds fifty. Also, the Indian captain can make bowling changes and ring-in fielding changes for the opposition team when his side is batting to best suit his batsman
  2. There will be no standardizing of equipment and it will be left to the discretion of the Indian team management to decide per its wishes.
    • Its batsmen can choose to wield a bat that is longer and wider than a surf board should they feel like it. Also, they can choose not to have any stumps while batting should getting bowled or out L.B.W be of concern.
    • Batsmen out of form can ask the opposition bowlers to bowl with even a football, so that they are indeed “sighting it like a football”.
    • The Indian bowlers can bowl to three sets of four stumps each spread across the entire square and hit any of them and the batsman will still be out bowled.
    • India can choose specialist fielders from the opposition team to field for them and cancel their IPL contracts should they fail to hold on to catches. Specialist slip fielders like Ricky Ponting, Mahela Jayawardene and Jacques Kallis will be expected to field in the slips even when they are batting
    • All opposition batsmen will be asked to play without pads and shoes. If they still score runs, which is quite likely, they will be asked to bat without a bat
  3. All opposition fast-bowlers will bowl at least 20 kmph lesser than the fastest Indian bowler. If it means, the fastest Indian bowler playing is Praveen Kumar, the fastest an opposition bowler would be allowed to bowl is -2 kmph (negative two kilometers an hour!)

2. IPL franchises to buy out all cricket boards

Most of the cricket boards around the world are not as rich as the franchises that own IPL teams. Also, most of them are in the docks because of infighting. All cricket boards will be auctioned before IPL V and will be run by people anointed by the franchise. That way, all Test nations come under the purview of the BCCI and all Tests and bi-lateral series be deemed “domestic games”. This will ensure the Indian domestic standards are raised to Test levels or vice-versa and no longer can India not be a winner outside of the sub-continent as any team that wins will be owned by an IPL franchise. Going forward an Indian team will lift The Ashes, Sir Frank Worrell trophy and every other trophy. And no one can say IPL is killing Tests or one-dayers any more!

3. Hack Cricinfo’s Statsguru

It is reliably learnt through cricket’s 800-plus-year journey that recorded history is all that matters. Just like we don’t know if the French lady who is first recorded to have bowled a version of cricket ball 800 years ago liked scrambled eggs or roasted bread, 400 years from now no one will want to know if Sehwag had a hair transplant, but only want to know how many triple hundreds he made.

Therefore, Cricinfo’s Statsguru that is an enormous wealth of cricket’s documented history and perhaps the largest fall back option for future historians and statisticians will be owned and managed by the BCCI. Given that India is bound to be the epicenter of cricket’s financial well being in the centuries to come, it is in the game’s best interest if fans can recollect their cricket ancestors as the best in the game. It is in cricket’s best interest that future Mumbaikars recall Ajit Agarkar as someone who once scored seven triple-hundreds in a row and not seven ducks in a row. Or that Tendulkar scored more hundreds than there are hundreds in mathematics and that he managed to average a double infinity. Or than Anil Kumble twice took 15 wickets in an innings. Or that Irfan Pathan once took a hat-trick with only one delivery and so on.

“The full report covers how we restructure everything with cricket – locally and globally and how we have the best of Indian and world’s cricket at heart. Even what you journalists write will be monitored and what has already been documented insofar will be doctored to best suit Indian cricket. It is after all a game and you guys don’t know how to play it. It is time we showed the world how it is played. The future will remember us as the greatest custodians of the game. And yes, we are pleased to appoint Dr. Watson and Mr. Holmes as our permanent under secretaries and all of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s works will also be doctored to carry out their characters as BCCI’s permanent under secretaries solving mysterious cricket puzzles including cracking the Duckworth/Lewis formula,” said a triumphant N. Srinivasan as he signed off.

The Perth Summary: No surprises there!

Posted: January 16, 2012 by thecognitivenomad in Cricket, India in Australia 2011-12
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Chandrasekhar Jayaramakrishnan

Apologists for depreciating cricketing standards in India have finally run out of excuses. Some of the post-mortem findings, coupled with ‘expert’ opinions, are the kind of things ardent fans want to stay away from – the media bringing out character-revealing natures, some fabricated and some true, of our heroes’ personalities and core interests.

But what, unjustly, is getting camouflaged is the lack of coverage by the Indian media on rising Australian standards. After all, Michael Clarke, amidst immense pressure during the build up to this series, had artillery with young, raw and largely untested players coupled with a few experienced seniors going through lean patches. That the Aussies decimated the Indians the way they did is a credit to their attitude and work ethic.

Barring Shaun Marsh and Brad Haddin, every Australian can afford to hold his head up high. Marsh has age on his side, whereas Haddin appears to be at the twilight of his career and much of it is stuff that he already knows – the willow isn’t generating enough sound to undertone his “be afraid … very afraid” warnings through politically correct advertisements in television media. His keeping skills, in addition, have been subject to much criticism over the best part of the last year.

Unlike India, the imbalances that need to be unwound in the Australian squad are far lesser. For one, albeit the talent possessed by Shaun Marsh, he doesn’t appear to be a Test number three. He is an organized batsman, no doubt, but he often bails out to deliveries outside off stump – those he’d have happily dismissed in the shorter formats. Test Cricket is a different ball game all together, and it might help him if he polishes his Sheffield record (not a mandate these days) to grab the spot with both hands with significant 4/5 day experience. After all, history has shown that even batsmen with unlimited talent but insufficient temperament have created their own recipes for prolonged failure in Test Cricket.

Reinventing the wheel with Sheffield Cricket will make Marsh a stronger candidate at three © Zimbio

Phil Hughes and Usman Khawaja are examples of two batsmen from the very recent past who are busy reworking their techniques, temperaments and whatever else it may take to cement a spot in the Australian XI. Marsh isn’t far behind in terms of ability, although his domestic record may not seem all that overwhelming when compared to the other two youngsters. After all, Marsh looked a certain fit at three before he succumbed to injury in South Africa. This could, for all, be a bad phase he’s going through but when everyone makes merry and you miss out, you certainly feel the pinch a lot more obviously than otherwise.

Haddin’s story is a different one. The injury to Tim Paine may have created a sense of false security that he isn’t ready to be overthrown yet. He certainly isn’t moving as well as he’s expected to behind the wickets, and looks lost as a batsman. Poor shot selection has been his nemesis on many an occasion. He could place his faith in the confidence angels but his sustenance, despite the excellent team results, will only border on optimism if he doesn’t make a mark at Adelaide.

It would only take a radical reversal of course for the Aussie to potentially falter at Adelaide. Despite the middle order misgivings at Perth, the Aussies will feel that there is no willingness to face up to the necessity of having to face a threat at Adelaide given how the visitors are wounded and beaten – and that some of them may just be a touch too old to get up and resume battle.

The Indians, on the other hand, claim to have made plans to gradually phase out the senior players to accommodate the influx of youth from talent pools around. The reluctance to phase all of them out at once compares to a family that takes out too large a mortgage to consequentially suffer from making the monthly payments. However, with the Test Cricket schedules looking sporadic over the next couple of years to come, there is sufficient time to gauge the prospect of more than one veteran being replaced pre/post Adelaide.

Whoever comes in at Adelaide will be well aware that the Australian bowling unit missiles are as good, and potent, as any other subsonic missile around. Nothing has deterred the attack from disciplined bowling. It only took Mitchell Starc a few sessions with Wasim Akram to do what he did at Perth – and that spells trouble for any opposition. Neither did Ryan Harris show any signs of a bowler who’d just returned from a long lay-off due to injury. The Aussies, in a nutshell, have demonstrated that the ingredients for success are blatantly obvious: discipline, channeled aggression, enviable work ethic and consistency across the unit to build a competitive squad. This has got Australian cricket moving again – and all the Australians moving again.

Day 3, Perth: Indian Cricket Buried Down Under

Posted: January 15, 2012 by binisajan in Cricket, India in Australia 2011-12, Opinion
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Bini Sathyan

The post match ceremony of the 3rd India-Australia test which was scheduled for the evening of the last day of the Test was advanced and took place in the afternoon of the third day’s play. This was due to the sudden and sad demise of Indian cricket due to old age and certain other factors which have come up in the post mortem report.

Even though this was an expected event, things took a sudden turn and impact of the fall from grace was colossal that everything around collapsed and was buried in the blink of an eye in a hot summer afternoon in Perth. The rot that set in at Edgbaston from which time Indian cricket has been living on the edge was finally set to rest in Perth. Skinned alive and left half dead, Indian cricket was bludgeoned and put to death at the WACA. Buried under 22 yards of soil 6 feet down under heaped with shame and disgrace. A black day for Indian cricket.

The chief architect of the collapse and who remained stone cold throughout the turn of events, Dhoni, looked like a man giving a funeral speech at the post match ceremony, even though he did not go on to give a speech per se. He wished that the team had more time to adapt to the harsh conditions of pace and bounce in the fast Australian pitches. Wonder what the team was doing when it reached Australia to get used to these conditions well in advance?

This team of veterans who had built their legendary reputation in Australia and against Australia was still trying to find their feet in the third test. Will they be able to adjust to the conditions if they play a dozen Tests more in the continent? Then BCCI should think of extending the series and in future should keep sufficient number of Tests in the series. This is necessary for getting beaten black and blue in the first few, learning in the next few and giving it back in the last few, that is if they survive to do it.

Clarke, the full grown pup that has matured into a leader and revived his team by leading the fight back from the front, in his speech made it clear what his team’s priorities are. To be the team to beat. To become number one in all three formats. With priorities clearly defined, the Australian cricket board and the team know their direction. And going by their history, they will pick up the right men to execute their plans. BCCI on the other hand is planning for the next IPL. So it is very obvious on the priorities of both the boards. When Clarke says they want to become no.1, he and Cricket Australia means business. BCCI also means business. Only that their businesses are different.

Australia have not just won the series but may have also put an end to a few careers. © Getty Images

It was a shameless and spineless display by the Indian batsmen again barring the determined Kohli this time. The Test was supposed to last 5 days but the Indian batting could not last 5 sessions. The responses and reflexes of the once great batting legends who are in their twilight years seem to have slowed down. The grit and determination to fight it out when they had their backs to the wall has disappeared. Their fighting capabilities would have put lions to shame. Now they are a shame to the nation. The legendary wars that they fought, the lonely battles they waged are all folklore. They scripted legends in time and now its time they write their own epitaphs.

The Indian batsmen made the same mistakes again and again. Their attitude seemed to be casual and careless and was evident in the captain’s batting. The Australians have done their homework well. They planned well and executed clinically. They have found that there is a hole in the wall and they have made it to look bigger. They have created records for Dravid to be the player who was bowled out the most number of times and Sachin the player who was out LBW the most number of times. Their nemesis Laxman has lost his magical touch. Sehwag failed to trouble them. Gauti and Dhoni always made sure that they self-destructed. The tailenders have brought back their old habits of batting is not my responsibility. The lack of application in a team is well evident from the way the tailenders bat. The spirit to fight and the determination to overcome is clearly absent in this team.

And the Australians made the most of the mistakes of the Indian batsmen. The pace brigade of Starc, Hilfenhaus, Siddle and Harris bowled consistently and was ruthless till they saw the back of the last batsman and made sure that the burial was complete. If this was war, then the Indian team has no comeback. Luckily this is a game.

The one man from Australia who simply blew away the game in a session is the pocket dynamite, David Warner who is known as the bull amongst his mates. And boy, what a charge he has made. This charging bull simply ran away with the honors before the amazing Umesh struck at will. The two balls that went through the gates of Ponting and Cowan, a right hander and a left hander, are more than enough to see the quality of his bowling. And Virat Kohli’s performance with the bat has shown the talented fighter in him. These two are definitely part of the future. Other than these positives that India can take away from the match, this Test is better forgotten.

It is time for the most experienced batting greats of India to exit before it is too late. They have to go. The earlier, the better for Indian cricket. Greats become true legends when they exit gracefully and gloriously. If they hang on till they fall from grace and are no longer needed, they become a laughing stock. The legends should be treated with respect. So it is high time the they think about a decent exit.

Maybe it is time for the selectors to think differently. Or the selectors themselves should go if they are not brave enough to think beyond the veterans. The greats might play well and hit a couple of centuries more in the flat Indian pitches or in favourable conditions. In that way they still have a future. But if we are going to persist with them, Indian cricket’s future is bleak. We need to think about the unfriendly pitches in England, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand and the future tours to be played here. Pick up young players who can and send them to survive these harsh conditions. Baptize them with fire. Put them to the lions. Let the fittest survive and we will get a team to beat. The resurrection of Indian cricket lies in the tough decisions that will be taken after the Australian series or may be even before.

Day 2, Perth: Umesh Yadav’s five-wicket haul the lone bright spot for India

Posted: January 14, 2012 by The CouchExpert in Cricket, India in Australia 2011-12
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Goutham Chakravarthi

It is remarkable how the Australian openers resemble Aakash Chopra and Virender Sehwag from 2003-04. Both pairs made of  a dasher and a blunter each. Running between the wickets being the stand out feature. And both middle orders benefited. Australia lost 10 wickets for 155 runs today, but the double century opening stand is essentially the difference in runs between the two sides’ first innings totals.

Talks of Cowan being a short-term solution at the top now needs to be revisited. Like in Melbourne, he left well and played to his strengths. His batting is constructed on good temperament and judgement, not too dissimilar to the construction of his prose. He complements Warner well and they seem to be a good pair at the top with their contrasting methods.

Umesh Yadav's maiden five-wicket haul in Tests. © Getty Images

It will be silly of the selectors to replace Cowan with Watson when the all-rounder is cricket fit. While the number at which he should bat should he move out of the opening slot has been a never ending debate, he might fit in at three should he have to sacrifice his bowling in order to prolong his playing days. Marsh has been flashy, but looks most likely to drop of out favour when Watson returns.

While it does not automatically guarantees success for the pair in England in the Ashes, they seem to have the tools to succeed and deserve to be given a long rope.

While the batting options might be in slight for the selectors, their fast bowling stocks seem to be ripe. While Harris has a remarkable record in the few Tests he has played, it is the emergence of Starc with his pace, movement and bounce that caught the eye on Saturday. Blessed with natural bounce, he seems to be destined to join Pattinson and Cummins and lead Australia’s attack for many years to come. And, given his composure and ability with the bat, Australia’s lower-order has the needed extra padding given the sporadic form of its middle-order.

In contrast, the Indian openers can’t seem to get off the blocks at all through this series. Nor has the middle-order looked capable. Australia’s bowling has been good and has created collective pressure. Patience and the game of attrition which defined this batting for a decade have deserted them for over a year now. Five years ago, this side would scrap, fight and find a way past the initial trouble and eventually break the bowlers’ spirits by batting well for long. Keeping good sides out on the field for five sessions and more is how India broke good Australian sides of the past, now seem hard pressed to bat for half hour without losing a wicket.

It has been remarkable how mentally unclear the likes of Sehwag, Gambhir and Laxman have been this series. All tough and proud individuals, but they seem to be battling more than just the opposition. Sehwag has been patchy and unconvincing throughout the series while Gambhir and Laxman have been busy nicking to the various slips. On good days, they leave well outside the off-stump, but not this series.

It is regrettable that after a day of good fightback by the Indian bowlers, that only the follies of the Indian batting are being debated. After a poor showing at the SCG, the bowlers have bounced back well. Umesh Yadav  rediscovered his MCG rhythm and ran through the top-order after the marathon opening stand to bring India back into a contest that seemed to be headed the SCG way. Australia struggled to cope with Zaheer’s mastery and Umesh’s pace. After a poor first day, Ishant and Vinay came back well to chip in with wickets.

Virat Kohli’s composure at the crease has been the high point of India’s insofar dismal batting display this Test. A big innings for him here will give him the confidence to blossom into a good Test batsman that he is capable of becoming. While day three of this Test in all probability will be the last day of this Test, India will hope that it will also be a day where Kohli takes his first strides in to hopefully a long Test career as India looks to the future without the comfort of the big names in its batting order.

When this Test is done and dusted, it is time India looked to the future. As Kohli and Umesh have shown, they are neither short on talent or ability.

Invented in India, Made in Australia – Warner is Viru Version 2.0

Posted: January 14, 2012 by binisajan in Cricket, India in Australia 2011-12, Opinion
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Bini Sathyan

Warner bats very much in the mould of a Sehwag. Image: sportinglife.com

David Warner is only five Tests old. In this short span, he has hit a century and another. The second one against India at WACA is the fastest ever to be hit by an opener. And it was completed in a session at the WACA. To hit a century in a session is no mean feat. Something that the greats dream of. The stuff that legends are made of. And it is a rare feat. Warner has announced his arrival in Tests and his stature is growing.

Till a few months ago, he was a Twenty20 hitter, an entertainer who was nowhere in the Test scene. He went around the world playing in T20 leauges entertaining the crowd. The selectors did not have him in the scheme of things. Neither did he have Test cricket in mind. In his own words, he never believed that he could play Test cricket.

All that changed when he was contracted to play in the IPL for the Delhi team which was led by the dashing Virender Sehwag. When Sehwag was a hit in the ODIs, he was also not considered for Tests as the purists felt that his style of play is unsuited for the longer version. But once he was given a chance, he revolutionized and brought entertainment to test cricket batting. Records were rewritten and batting never remained the same again in Tests. It was Viru who instilled in Warner the belief that he would do well in test cricket. Inspired by Sehwag’s words and work, he finally landed up in the Test arena. And the rest as they say is history.

Both the hitting machines shared one thing in common. They both believed in only one thing. The ball is there to be hit and hit hard. The pitch is not a concern, the situation is not a bother and the bowler does not matter. The only thing that mattered was where the ball lands for the fielding team to pick up. They have only one cricket gear, the top gear. So they did not have the confusion of switching it as the situation changed. They go all out from the word go. They try to hit the first ball of the match out of the park. Brought up their centuries with sixes. Lived and died by the sword. And on their day, decimated the opposition in such a way that the destruction was complete and total. They are the weapons of mass destruction in cricket. The similarities do not end. Records fall by the wayside when batting for them is a walk in the park. Sometimes it looks like they are out practicing boundary hitting out in the middle a match.

Though Warner’s debut in Test cricket has coincided with a big slump in form for Viru, for Warner, it is just the beginning. He is an improved version of Viru – faster scoring, farther hitting and better footwork are the improved features in the new version. India’s batting machine reengineered and invented at IPL and launched in Australia with a ‘Made in Australia’ tag. Australians have found a Viru for themselves. A new brand of Test cricket batting belonging to the Viru breed has been launched. The weapon gifted by India is being used against its inventor.

The doubts about the improvement in consistency and longevity can be proved only with time. Such power hitting which can influence the results of 5 day long Tests in a single session is going to be a threat for the Test playing nations and a treat for the fans. These power hitters are definitely going to entertain. India will have to think hard and come out with a better version of Viru to counter the Warner threat. A reloaded version of Viru who can last longer and more often. Or we need to find a newer version. Let’s leave that task to Viru himself.

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